Comments on: Mystery O. Riley

By: Elison McAllaster

Elison McAllaster — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:43:51 +0000

Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our son Ricky in a car-wreck almost two years ago. The second anniversary of his death will be New Year’s Eve, and it will be hard to live through.

However, Ricky has shown us signs from heaven that he is okay, things like pelicans appearing in our paths numerous times where they hadn’t before and a roaring puzzle piece that sounds off when it is moved going off frequently when Ricky would have been amused or loving us.

I urge you to try to look toward the positives of your son’s life and hold on the knowledge that he is safe now. You will be in my prayers.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 23:38:54 +0000

I lost my Son Steven on Sept. 9, 2011 in a tragic car wreck. He had just turned 37 a week before. The pain is still so great that I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Every minute of the day I think of him. You always hear that the loss of a child is the worst but you do not truly understand that until it happens to you! You know my prayer has always been Please let me live to see my children grown and that he did. I guess I should have prayed to please take me first too! I have always believed their is a reason for all things but it sure makes me question why would any parent have to go through the loss of a child.

I can not imagine the added horror of not knowing what happened. I still have so many questions. I know I that I will see him again and then I will get my answers.

I have a beautiful Daughter and a Grandbaby that has been my link to sanity through this nightmare!

In Loving Memory of our Children!

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:38:26 +0000

I have often heard the phrase that ‘God only gives you as much as you can handle’ but I lost my beautiful 19 year old son last month and it is unbearable.

By: Bonnie Capriola

Bonnie Capriola — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 05:54:16 +0000

God Bless You Pamela, you just entered a journey no parent ever wants to be on, you are not alone in your pain my dear, hang in there, Love, Bonnie ( mother of Barry, lost Feb.2,2011)

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 05:50:21 +0000

To All the parents here…Why My Child, a question we all ask. I lost my son Barry, Feb. 2, 2011 to a heroin overdose. He was 25. He was a mentally ill drug addict, its called Dual Diagnosis… Both diseases aggravate each other, he tried and tried and tried to stop using heroin ( he started out abusing pain pills and the addiction escalated), everytime he was clean, his mental health issues would present intensely. Mental health meds take time, dose changes, med changes, etc… He could never get stable before relapse would take over. The drug use made his mental health worse, the mental illness made his drug use worse… It was gut wrenching watching my child caught in this trap….trying to be his advocate and fight a failing system and ultimitely watching that system help kill my child… ( That is a long story). Many times I prayed for God to take him home… seeing your child cry over and over and ask the heavens ” Why was I cursed with these demons?” Over and over seeing him try to detox himself, the vomiting, the diarrhea, the chills….Repetedly taking him to detox units, Psych units…both always trying to shove him out the door to the other….. I thought ALL of that was Hell….But No, Losing him, this is truly hell…. Sometimes I think people think, or they say, He is no longer suffering, as if that makes my pain, his moms any easier…Sometimes I feel selfish, because yes, I am happy his suffering is over…But, But, it does not change….Why My Child… Why?? The pain of this loss is gut wrenching, I feel lost, broken and like I’m living in auto pilot….I have another son, Joey, 19. He is a healthy wonderful young man…He is what keeps me going. I also work for a funeral home, been thru a terrible divorce, and I am accustomed to grief. But wow, losing a child, its The Worst….When Barry was 19, a few years before he became an addict to vicaden and oxycotin, he found God and became completely immersed in learning the bible, and what a witness he was… At 20 he was baptized in a local river. The day he died, when I saw him at the coroners office, I was devastated…I went home and quickly got out his baptism picture…I couldnt believe my eyes… he died in the same shirt he was baptized in. And he had like a 100 tshirts….wow, that moved me. His bible was 4 ft. from his body when he was found, he continued to cling to The Lord and was an inspiration to all who knew him. He had a huge heart and was always there for everyone he loved or anyone who was in need. Even tho he was on disabilitly he would sometimes use his food stamps to buy food for others in need…. My heart is broken, my world will never be the same. I am glad I found this blog, thank you Linda. It is good to know we are not alone. Blessings and Love to all my fellow Mourners. Matters none wether they are 1 or 30…Our babies are always, our babies. With Love, Bonnie

By: Pamela

Pamela — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 03:02:05 +0000

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. My Son Chad was killed last Saturday, 8/13 and there are so many unanswered questions. Still having a hard time believing he is really gone and that I will never see him again.

By: Katrina Paul

Katrina Paul — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 00:43:12 +0000

I was sitting and missing my daughter something terrible, when I was reading on how to cope with the loss of a child. My daughter had not gone missing, but she died suddenly. She was 7 1/2 years old. She was not a sickly child, nor had she been in an accident. I waited for 6 months to get a death certificate that said she died from a heart condition that went undiagnosed. The answer just isn’t sufficient, but I have to suck it up and deal with it. She has been gone for just under 6years and the pain still hurts as it did the day that she died. As many people have tried to say that time heals all wounds. I don’t believe it to be true. As time goes on I’ve learned to manage my pain. I fake it most days to try and make it through them. That can be hard, but at times I even fool myself. I know that she is no longer here in the physical presence, but she lives within my heart. That is something no one can take away. There is nothing like not having a definitive answer. I hope that you one day get the answer(s) that you need for some sense of closure. You will not have complete closure because it was your child. And the question we all ask is, why my child?

By: Sheri Perl

Sheri Perl — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 19:19:56 +0000

Please see my website and read about The Prayer Registry. This free website service is dedicated to all of the families who have lost children, whatever age that child was when they passed. This site registers the anniversary day of our children’s crossing. The members of this online community,the Prayer Team, have the opportunity to honor their child’s legacy, connect with other bereaved parents, and participate in world-wide group prayer for every registered loved one on the anniversary day of their passing.

There is no charge for this service; it is my sincere hope that every bereaved parent who registers a child will join the Prayer Team and be a source of prayer for all of the children on the other side. Each time another child is registered, the Prayer Team grows larger and stronger.

Please email Sheri at theprayerregistry@gmail.com to register your loved one on The Prayer Registry. By registering, you will have a forum to connect to other
bereaved parents and you will be able to upload comments, photographs, biographies, or any other information you want to share about your child with our community of bereaved parents. Once registered, you will be a member of the
Prayer Team and will receive Prayer Registry reminders one day before the anniversary day of one of our kids.

Please feel free to email any questions, concerns or feelings that you would like to share. My door is always open. I hope that this site provides some small
measure of balm for the wounds of loss. From one bereaved parent to another, I welcome you to my site and offer my support.

This is one club that none of us would join by choice, but since we find ourselves in this unthinkable place, we stand stronger when we stand side by side.

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:50:08 +0000

Linda – Thank you, you are exactly right – for others it is really just a less awful way of going on. I hate going on, but I do. I know others care, but don’t know what to do…what to say. My Mom died a few days after the birth of my sister, she was 24. I was almost 5 and my middle sister almost 4. Today is my baby sister’s birthday – we were all born in March. My Gram always cried on my mother’s birthday – right until the last of her 80 years. She really couldn’t talk about my mother’s life, which is something I longed for – her pain was just too great. I am drifting off a little here, but my point is that I know what you mean and I don’t want my son to be locked away in my heart forever. I am trying to find my way. I am still afraid that I will forget his voice, his laugh…yet I know I never could. Ryan was 21, and I still can’t believe that our story belongs to us – that my son is gone. It is a complicated story, or at least I make it that way because I always feel that I have to explain – since so many things were going wrong at the time. Ryan had two children and another child due in January – that in itself could take forever to explain. There were a lot of problems between him and their mother – they were too young, not ready financially or in agreement about the rapid growth of their family. All of these things he owned as much as she did, but he felt so hopeless. He was tortured by his own frustrations and emotions – he had told my daughter that he wanted to end the relationship, but felt that if he did then he was afraid that his children would feel that he didn’t love them. It was a crazy, terrifying time. He ran into an old girlfriend and started drinking with her and another couple. Within a month of them meeting, three of them were dead in a DWI crash. There was one survivor, a 23-year old mother of three – they cut her hair to free her from the tire of the car that had rested on it. Her life is a miracle. Her boyfriend was just 17. My son’s girlfriend was just 18 and had an infant son. I struggled with a lot of unanswered questions – who was driving, where were they going – they were supposed to be going to the movies, why? why? why? The survivor told me they were drinking to escape their problems – a misery loves company sort of thing. She says she wishes she was dead too and now she drinks even more. I don’t have all of the answers, but I know they were drinking and driving and crashed. I have finally tried to accept that as enough. When I hear stories like your son’s, I realize how much I do know and I hope the same or better for you. Thank you for your kind words, which are so right and only seem to come from those who have suffered the same loss. It is comforting to know that we are not alone and sometimes the courage of others helps us to realize our own. Mary

By: Valerie O

Valerie O — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:23:25 +0000

Linda, I stumbled on your blog and am so glad I did. My son’s death is a mystery as well. At the very least, I can feel assured that others have suffered the same questions yet continued to put one foot in front of the other. Two months ago, my son was shot and killed in a supposed fight that he started with a stranger who was armed in his home at 4PM. You’d have to know Ben to know that’s a truly ridiculous scenario. This happened in another state, several hours away, while he was at his dad’s making ammends for his father’s lack of contact over the last five years. It’s all very strange. Anyhow, his father is paralyzed with depression, incapable of being polite enough to reach out to me and tell me what is happening. I sit here wondering. I haven’t seen any reports, a death certificate or talked to anyone but the detective in the small city where this happened. No phone calls from the DA, no calls from anyone. The thing is, I have fallen back on this mantra. No answer will satisfy me but Ben walking through that door and that is not going to happen. Somehow, it eases the quest for answers. I suppose I am resigned. He’s dead and there is nothing I can do but cry about this hole I feel. Ben is dead and he’s not coming back no matter what the explanation.

Keep writing. Those of us who are still in shock, silenced with our sorrow need to hear how you keep your eyes up and joy flowing. Thanks.
Valerie