Papa, Daddy, Can You Hear Me?
April 2, 2008. Had he lived past 40, Daddy would have turned 83 (my brother just corrected me) today. He’s been gone so long, I can only hear his laugh in very quiet moments, or in dreams – but I can always see his face, his smile, and his spirit.
Owen and Nat always called their dad, Papa. Emmitt and I called our dad, Daddy. This song pretty well shreds me still – all these years after the movie, “Yentl”, was released in 1983. The names we call our parents are less important, than the feelings, the knowledge, of them.
I was a young woman when Barbra Streisand made this movie. I was 28, and Nat was less than a year old. Neither Nat nor Owen were Streisand fans (quite the opposite), but they knew I was, and they tolerated my favorite artists, just as I did, some of theirs. At 28, I still felt young, as if life was spread out before me, with so many possibilities. I grabbed hold of those possibilities, and dreamed the dreams of young mothers who wanted to be everything.
I’ve thought about Daddy a lot today. I don’t, every year – him being gone so long now. This year, I’m sure, is particularly poignant, because of our recent loss of Owen. I’m missing my dad, my mom, and everyone, so much more, because the pain of our present grief, brings to mind all loss. I think Owen would gladly indulge me these moments tonight. I think he might even sit here with me, and listen – were we so privileged to share this night together. We might have just listened, as we did so often, to music that touched our souls.
This movie was a turning point, in my desire for life-long learning. I wasn’t prohibited from gaining an education by my religion or upbringing. But, a formal education was not of paramount importance after Daddy died – until I made it so. I spent years reading books, and self-educating, because that’s what was available to me. I craved more information, always more life experiences that could somehow illustrate that, what I knew, was not all there was to know. Eventually, I received my college degree. But, I attribute my learning to life experience, not my time spent in classrooms.
The pursuit of learning is more important to me, than college degrees. Learning and knowledge are what we make of them. The information is out there. Grab hold. And, remember to give thanks to those people who support your desire to know more. Ultimately, you are your own best teacher. Some of the smartest people I know, taught themselves.
Song for the night” Papa, Can You Hear Me? Barbra Streisand (Papa, how I miss you kissing me goodnight)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QwCPAo5e_F8&feature=related
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~ by Linda on April 2, 2008.
Posted in blogging, brothers, child loss, grief, friends, Nat Riley, Owen Riley, Michael Douglas Riley, Linda Siniard, loss, love, children, death, dreams, family, friends, grief, learning, Life, missing persons, mothering, music, mystery, parenting, school, writing
Tags: Barbra Streisand, David Tegnell, Emmitt Owen Riley, Lea Kelley, learning, Linda Siniard, music, Nat Riley, Owen Riley, reading, self-education, Yentl
SORRY… Actually 83… born on April 2, 1925… SO maybe we’re not quite as old as we worried? 83… wow… I use to be freaked every time I hit a key number in his life when it arrived in my life (AGE: 26… when I was born into his life, AGE: 40 and 7 months 9 days when he died…) After that date I didn’t have a roadmap… Had to wing it… SO here we are. More that’s so much the same (unexpected deaths) — so much that is different (who those deaths turned out to be) Still hard to take in some times…
The David Gates/BREAD song about his dad still gets me. It’s not obvious it’s about his dad, but I’ve heard him say so in interviews. I’ll find the title.
BREAD: “Everything I Own” about how he would give “everything I Own” to see him again… What more can I say?
HERE IT IS:
OK… now my day’s wrecked
Em
OK… THIS DAY IS NOT SHOT !!!
I’ll be fine
Em
Hey Em, I just listened to “Everything I Own” by Bread. I remembered every word – having listened to it so much when we were young. I didn’t know the song was about David Gates’ dad, but I always thought of Daddy when I heard it. Listening just now, all of them just came crashing in. It’s one of those crashing in days anyway, and music just amplifies (no pun intended) everything. No, this day is NOT shot! Love, Em
Your blog touched me. I lost my parents in November 2003. They passed away only 2 days apart. My father died (93) on Tuesday and my mother (95) on Thursday and had a double funeral on Saturday. They were both healthy all their lives, it all happend in the last week. They were married for 75 years.
My Dad would say that he wanted to go first because he would not be able to live whith out my mother, and he worry about missing on the other side. Somehow the firgured out how to leave so close to eachother.
I had 2 siblings and am the baby by 18 years. My brother did in 1994 and my sister 11 months before my parents.
I was 52 when they died. I feel lucky to have had them in my life for so long. They spent their last four years living next door to me.
I have felt closer to them after their death then when they were alive.