Going back a ways now…
It’s too painful to repost all my early writing from other sites here. If you’re interested, you can see how we got through those early weeks after losing Owen, by going to: http://myspace.com/tiredrooster13. That site is set to private because we had some unpleasant intrusions from people who can’t possibly get it, so you would have to request “friend” status.
I’m not exactly the typical demographic for myspace, but through that site, have found some wonderful friends of Owen’s. I’m very grateful for that, and that they continue to write, even though some of them only knew him for a few months. He made quite an impact.
Just to catch you up, however, I last saw Owen on Monday, May 28, 2007, after picking him up from work at our local movie theater. He immediately got on the computer, which is what he did most nights. Around 11:30 pm, he said “Goodnight, Mom, I love you. I’ll be up for a while.” I answered, “‘Night Oh-bert, I love you, too.” Owen’s first name was Emmitt, but we had always called him Owen, since there have been 5 Emmitt’s in my family. I had lots of nicknames for him, even though he was 20. I tried my hardest to always call him Owen around friends. He forgave me for having a hard time letting go of thinking of him as my baby (most of the time, anyway).
I was working out of town the next day, and yelled up the stairs around 12:15 pm on Tuesday, before I headed south. I yelled for him several times, but he didn’t answer. Because he slept late most days, due to having a mostly nighttime schedule, I wasn’t worried. Something did catch me, though, on my way down our front stairs, and I thought, hmmm…maybe I should go check on him. I didn’t, and I’ll always torture myself for not running back to see him, see if there was something different about him that day. Looking back over his entire lifetime, I could torture myself about lots of things - the big things, the little things, the forgotten things.
Instead, although I can’t turn off the why’s and the should have’s, I’m focusing on the good things, the great things, the funny things, the odd things, the precious things, and any other thing that helps me remember what an incredible gift we all had in knowing Owen Riley.
As much as I want to write for hours at a time, I find grief has a rather devastating physical manifestation, as well as the obvious emotional part, which can go to such depths, that I often refer to it as “the black pit” – quite the same as others refer to hell. So, I’m off for now.
Hi Linda: It’s me-Lonnie. I tried copying and pasting the MySpace address, but it says that it doesn’t exist! Wonder what I’m doing wrong? I had to open a MySpace account also to keep up with my 18 year old daughter, who moved out after graduation this summer. It’s the only sure way to keep in touch with her, and has been successful in that realm. I very much enjoy all your writings wherever I can find them. I am so sorry they have to be for this reason though. You are a talented writer, something I also have always had an interest in. I have been intrigued by Owen’s mystery since I first read about him, and couldn’t get him (or you) off my mind. As you know, I am a night person (like Owen) and try as I might, can’t seem to turn that around. It became clearly pathological during the time that my dad was very ill in the hospital on a respirator, and we were also having difficulties at home with our daughter. My nervous system had to have an outlet from all the daytime stressors, and the quietness of the midnight hours became my refuge. I just wanted to thank you for sharing this blog with me, and I hope in the days to come, you will find out more and more information. Hugs-Lonnie
Hi Lonnie, here’s the link to the myspace site again: http://www.myspace.com/tiredrooster13
Perhaps I mistyped it before. Just ask for friend status, and I’ll accept your request.
Yes, these night hours can become addictive, since we have so few other outlets. Glad to see you here on wordpress.
Love,
Linda
Owen’s mom
Okay Linda, I put in a friend request for your MySpace when you get a chance to let me in! LOL! Thanks. I enjoyed reading about Owen’s love for cooking, and your nacho dinner. (So bittersweet). Many thoughts of you! Lonnie
Linda…My family sends prayers of love and healing to yours. You know life is full of “what if’s” and “should haves”, but we play the cards we’re dealt…no other way. I found out about a year and a half what it is like to ALMOST lose a child as my son Graeme was shot in a “road rage” incident. I was very angry, but discovered it was more productive to help him cope and heal and support the rest of my family. Easy to say…but to do, not so much. They never found the jerk that shot Graeme in the head. We’ll always wonder.
Keep doing what you need to to heal…it’s yours. Only you will know when it’s better.
I am sorry for your loss…Bob
Bob, I pray Graeme is doing okay. You didn’t mention in your comment how he came out of it.
That thing about always wondering…torture, pure fucking torture. I hope you have answers someday, as well. Thank you for your kind words.
We will never forget our dinner in Mt. Vernon, so very many years after high school. What a gift. What a sweet time, before all of us had experienced these difficulties.
Please give my best to your family. Dave, Nat, and I will never be the same, but we will always remember that very fun night in Washington, when were able to share old stories, and new hope.
Love,
Linda
Linda…Graeme is OK. Spent some time in the hospital and still has a headache[took a 40 cal. slug to the back of the head] but is working through it well.
I learned at an early age with the loss of my mother[as did you with your father] that life just isn’t fair. But is also doesn’t wait. I’m not waiting for an answer to Graeme’s deal. If it come, great. No…OK , too. We’ve focused on ourselves healing and him moving on. But it has given us a stronger sense of awareness and compassion for those who suffer losses. But…I’d still shoot the bastard if I had 1/2 a chance!
We, too, had a fine time at the Skagit. Funny how lives are connected, disconnected and then reconnected again. Just be comforted by knowing that we WILL get through these times no matter how unfair and horrible they are..we are strong, if not by ourselves, then together.
Bob
Hey Bob,
Thanks for putting Gary White in touch with us again. He has such a funny story about us being in…was it 7th or 8th grade? when he wrote on the buttons on the back of my dress (he sat behind me in English). Those must have been big buttons for him to write on them, without my knowledge. The 70s, the days of big buttons…and dresses, for goodness sakes! I got suspended in 9th grade for being the first girl to wear pants to Marshall Jr. High…jeez, the days of dress codes, and all.
He sent his kind words and thoughts regarding Owen, and I’m so glad you have remained friends all these years. Hey, if know where Nancy Mooradian is, let me know. I can’t find her.
Our best to your family. Kiss Graeme, and everyone else for us. Life is so precious to all of us who remain here, yes?
Love,
Linda